I still can't believe this room exists in my house.

For so long, I have tried to visualize what our nursery would look like. I had the hardest time picturing anything at all. I love interior design, I take a lot of pride in the design of our home, my husband and I both do, but for some reason creating a vision for this room was just one big mental block.

When you struggle to conceive for so long, things like a nursery can seem so foreign. The idea of having a room for a child to live in our house just seemed so far fetched. If I wasn't able to visualize a baby, or even a pregnancy for that matter, how on earth would I visualize a place for him/her to live?

Impossible.

About 3 months after announcing our pregnancy, an extremely generous woman reached out to me and offered her services to design our nursery. She was inspired by our story and wanted to gift her services to me out of the kindness of her heart. I had never even met this woman before in my life.

Are. You. Fucking. Serious?

Me?

Although I was honored and touched by this amazing opportunity, a large part of me was nervous to accept. What if my pregnancy doesn't last? I was still in my first trimester and very much in disbelief that an actual baby would be moving into our house. I kept thinking, what if she does all this work and then I lose the baby? What if I move forward with a nursery and never have a baby to put in it?

I couldn't bear the idea of having to look at an empty crib.

I was so worried about wasting her time, or disappointing her. She was doing this for me as a gift, I would hate to see it end badly.

I know all of this probably sounds terrible, but this is Infertility PTSD at it's finest y'all. The fear of failure has continued with me on this journey, because it's all I've ever known.

She told me that there was no pressure to do anything and that the offer was there if and when I wanted it. I thought hard about it, and discussed it with my husband. Neither of us knew the first thing about what to put in a nursery, and felt that a little guidance would actually be really nice. AND, it would get the ball rolling on something that I was super apprehensive to start. I needed a little kick in the ass to start believing and visioning this to be my life. I needed to look forward, not backward. Maybe, this was exactly what I needed?

The idea of bringing some life into an empty, cold room in our house, sounded like a really amazing idea.

We said yes, and the planning begun.

She had me fill out a questionnaire, come up with a budget for furniture, take measurements of the room, send photos and videos of our house, etc. She lives on the east coast, so everything was virtual. How cool, right?

I started pinning things that I liked, and sharing them with her on Pinterest. I wanted a modern, yet California beachy feel, to match the rest of our house. I was very specific with her about not wanting anything that felt too "baby". This was a hard rule for me. I believe this was my safety net in some way. In the back of my mind, I still needed a plan B. If all else fails, I could move the crib out and move a bed in and make it a guest room. She was super understanding and patient with all of my requests.

I started pinning like mad and searching for all things gender neutral, modern, beachy, bohemian, natural feeling, California-esque, etc.

Was I really pinning nursery designs? Who the fuck am I?

Then the fun part began. She started sending me mood boards based on the photos I had sent for inspiration. I was in serious awe. From wallpaper and paint, to rugs and wall hangings and even throw pillows, she had it all covered. And, y'all know throw pillows are my kryptonite!

I was obsessed. SHE NAILED IT.

Hello, modern California beach nursery...

I. Die.

California modern gender neutral nursery

To make things even easier, she sent 3D layouts, so that I knew exactly where to put things. She had taken my measurements and strategically placed each item in its perfect place.

The entire process was stress free AND fun! It was exactly what I needed, and allowed me to focus energy on the creating of something, not the worry of losing something.

Once we finalized everything and picked our exact items, she sent me links to purchase them all. I mean, could this be any easier?

I couldn't fill my online carts quick enough.

I started buying EVERYTHING. I couldn't help myself. I was a nursery, shopping monster. Every day, something new was being delivered to my house, and I couldn't wait to put it in it's place. I had gone from, oh I don't know, maybe I'll pick out the crib in a few months, to let's fill this room up with everything NOW.

I had helpers, of course.

I was finally visualizing.

I was finally visualizing a baby living in our house.

This woman, that I've still never met, gave me a greater gift than she probably ever imagined. For the first time as a pregnant woman, I felt normal, I felt deserving. I felt like everything was going to be okay, and that our baby was actually coming to live with us.

A total stranger, my Angel.

We had the room pretty much completed by my second trimester and I'm glad we did. I now get to enjoy this room before the baby comes. It's my happy place. I go in there and rock in my comfy chair, listen to music, fold tiny baby clothes and visualize my life being a mom. This time is my time, and I'm enjoying very minute.

Here is the final product, eat your heart out.

If you know anything about infertility, you know that the pineapple is a symbol widely used in the #ttccommunity to celebrate the hope of new life and brings awareness to such an important topic. When we saw this lamp from World Market, we just had to have it. I will never forget the battle we had to fight to get here and this pineapple lamp serves as a reminder.

You might also notice the little turtles among the room. "Turtle" is what we have named our baby, for now at least. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Yes, I've started hanging baby clothes. This shit is really real, y'all.

Yes, gender neutral baby clothes. 50 shades of baby gray.

And what's more soothing, than a few furry bohemian llama's circling over your head at night? We found this at Pottery Barn Kids, and it's perfect.

And the crib. OH. MY. The Crib. I loved the idea of being able to see through the crib rails. I know I'm already going to be a worrier, so any extra vision on my million dollar baby, is key. And, not to mention, it really opens up the space of the room. We found this one at Pottery Barn Kids, and fell in love.

We've been having fun in this room, especially Stella and Romo, our fur babies. I'm not sure they are ready for a fur-LESS baby, but they sure are loving the new digs.

We are ALL loving it. Ready, as ever, to welcome our Turtle to his/her new, home full of love. Thank you Corinne from Boo & Rook Designs for this beautiful gift. Words can not express our gratitude.