Now that I'm pregnant, people are starting to treat me like any, normal, "fertile" pregnant woman. Most would think, this is what I want - to feel normal. I don't blame them, I can see why people would think this. They might think - she's finally pregnant and past all the grieving and hard stuff, so this is the time to shower her with excitement and baby talk. But, I'm so not.
People ask me all the time "Why do you keep trying for a baby after all you have been through, Victoria?" They say things like "I don't understand how you could put yourself through so much financial burden for something that's not guaranteed, I would NEVER do that.". Never say never, my friend. Never judge a pain you have not endured.
It's shitty for the woman that desperately wants to be a mother, but can't. Or the single woman who wants to be a mom but feels like time is passing her by. Or the woman that lost her mother, and will be spending Mother's day at her grave site. And what about the mother that has lost a child, and will be grieving all day even if her living children are there to spend it with her?It's not all about f*cking flowers, brunches and breakfast in bed.
It's hard to know what to say to the "infertile" sometimes. It's hard to know what will make us upset. It's hard to know what will make us comfortable. It's hard to know what will make us sad or make us cry. It's hard being our friend sometimes. I get it. We know how hard this is on you too. We appreciate all the things you do to protect us. We know you have our best intentions at heart. We notice your efforts to do the right thing by us. We know you care. We know that if/when you get pregnant, you dread telling us. We know that you are so incredibly excited, but the thought of telling us makes you sad.