Finding support during infertility is crucial to your survival. Infertility can feel like the loneliest, darkest place you have ever visited if you try to go it alone. Trust me, I’ve tried it. I’ve been there. It wasn’t until I found support that I was able to rise up and move on through my journey. I struggled with infertility for eight years, and at least half of that time I cried behind closed doors. No one knew my pain even existed except my husband, and although he tried his hardest to support me, he truly didn’t really grasp what it felt like to be me.
I remember this defining moment like it was yesterday. The doctor told me that it was almost impossible for me to conceive. She told me that it was going to be a huge uphill battle if I wanted to get pregnant. I had already tried multiple rounds of fertility treatments, IUIs, IVF, laparoscopy, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, you name it. Infertility was my life. It had consumed every piece of my being. I didn’t go on trips, I didn’t eat certain foods, I was wearing UGG boots in the summer because someone told me it would help my fertility if I kept my feet warm.
Most doctor's won't take you seriously unless you have been trying for 6-12 months with timed intercourse around ovulation. This means using home ovulating predictor kits each month, and having sex when you see a smiley face on the pee stick. Pregnancy is technically only possible during the five days before ovulation through the day ovulation actually takes place. These six days are the 'fertile window' in a woman's cycle, and represent the lifespan of sperm (5 days) and the lifespan of the ovum, a mature female reproductive cell (24 hours). So, yes, there are only 6 days in the month that you can "technically" get pregnant.
You’ve been trying to conceive without success for a year or so and you’ve finally decided to take the plunge into fertility treatments. Finding a reproductive endocrinologist that's right for you can be hard to find, and certainly emotional. Sadly, I didn't choose the right doctor the first time around, but learned some very valuable lessons I'd like to share with you.
If you are new to the word of fertility treatments, you are probably realizing there is a whole new world out there you may not have known existed. A world of women going through a tough time, connecting with each other through the world wide web using a different language than you've ever learned to speak. I remember when I was just starting to research infertility and I would end up on infertility blogs that used an acronym for every other damn word. I was not only confused, but I was pissed too.
The right age to have a baby is a personal decision for each person. Some 50 year old women are much healthier than some 30 year old women. And typically with age, comes wisdom, success, stability, education, and a stronger identity. If a 40 year old woman is healthy, has her shit together and is ready to be a mom, let her be. If a woman finds her true love later in life and decides to take her time with a family, let her be. If a woman struggles for years to get pregnant and decides she needs a break, let her be.
There are many lessons I have learned on my journey through infertility, and many of them I had to learn the hard way. I had no idea how hard this would really be, and when you are feeling alone in the process you tend to question your feelings. Am I the only want who feels this way? Am I a bad person for my feelings?