The journey of conceiving a child via egg donation is a deeply personal process. We all enter this process with unique pieces of ourselves. Whether it be our family belief systems, personality types, religious backgrounds or cultural beliefs, no two people enter this process the same.
Whether this is your first time considering egg donation or you’ve always known you would need an egg donor to build your family, choosing an egg donor is not an easy process. I’ve personally been through the egg donation selection process multiple times now, with multiple different agencies and egg banks. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you.
This is such an overwhelming decision to have to make and there are so many different schools of thought on whether it’s better to use fresh or frozen donor eggs. It’s easy to feel confused on which direction to take. This is truly a personal decision and heavily based on your situation and the plans you have for your future family. I’m not a doctor or expert by any means, but I have definitely been faced with this decision multiple times in my life and feel the need to share my personal reflection.
This program series is very near and dear to my heart and I am very proud of the curriculum we have built. My goal is to help empower, educate and support people at all phases of the donor conception process. Whether you are going through donor conception for the first time, or on the other side of it as a parent of a donor conceived child. I’ve been having some very meaningful conversations with some Donor Conceived Adults that have helped me shape this program, two of which will be speaking in the series.
I can’t tell you how long I used to focus on the things I didn’t get to have by pursuing donor eggs to conceive. From the moment my doctor suggested we think about it, my mind was all-consumed every second of every day with all the things I was losing - a DNA connection with my babies, an easy route to pregnancy, an easy story to tell, time, energy, a shit ton of money, etc.
Did I picture having a baby with another woman’s DNA? No, of course not. Did I picture loving a child that looks nothing like me, so unconditionally it hurts? Not a chance. We all have this perfect image of the life we will live, but that doesn’t mean it’s the way it should be. Or that’s what’s best for us.
This is it y'all. The BEST, most scary, most exciting day of my life. The day our sweet baby Flo entered this world. Yes, I setup a GoPro camera in the corner to capture her arrival. And yes, I've watched it at least a dozen times already. Don't worry, you won't see my coot coot or any weird shit. I'm keeping it classy, for once. But before you watch the video, and think, wow, that looks so easy, she literally pushed for under a minute... Let me tell you somethin' (in my best Ace Ventura voice). There were A LOT of challenges leading up to this moment.
I knew the day that we scheduled our first IVF transfer that I wanted to document the process. I thought - how cool would that be to have photos of the day our baby was conceived? We would have photos to show our child one day!My husband thought I was nuts, I remember him saying - 'there's no way in hell the doctor will go for that, it's just weird Victoria."
I used to think infertility made me less of a woman. I felt un-sexy. I felt inadequate. I felt like a failure. I would look at myself in the mirror and cry. And cry. And cry. I would look at my injection bruises and surgery scars and feel shame. I was embarrassed. I felt like I wasn't "enough". But, now I see someone different. I see a new version of me. I see someone with guts and tenacity. I see a woman who has survived tragedy and become stronger from it. I see someone who is more of a woman because of what I have overcome, and continue to overcome.
With infertility, everyday is a new battle. A battle against yourself. A battle to stay strong and positive, when all you want to do is cry. It's very easy to dwell on how unfair and hard it is. Sometimes we need to sit in the muck and be angry, sad and negative to cope.
I've never been much of a religious person. But, I've always believed there is some sort of "higher power" out there. It's kinda cool to think that God still has his eye on me. Could I really give up control to someone greater than me? Now, I'm not saying I CAN give up control, honestly, I don't know if I can. But I'm gonna f*cking try.
Infertility, you have changed me. I used to be that girl who would plaster Social Media with anything good that would happen. Like, when I first got engaged, or the five different albums of our wedding, and you all remember the photos of the flowers my husband gave me every month. I didn't think about the people out there that were dying to find love and might be sad by seeing things like that. Some of those people were my dear friends. Well, I'm so incredibly sorry. I was an Asshole.
